CooperReid Theory
by S. Crovax
Summary: -About Life and its entailments in Modern Society- /non-slash/attempt at funny/translation


**I/N:** This is based on the personalities of both characters from the first seasons of their respective series. That means Bazinga wasn't born yet, you may cry now.

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><p><strong>Cooper-Reid Theory<strong>

_-About Life and its entailments in Modern Society-_

It was written on the sign above the entrance archway: V Anual Symposium On Alternative Energy Sources and its Uses in Modern Society. Or, as the more experienced said it: ASAESUMS.

–Big name, isn't it? – someone looking youthly cientific commented. His shirt tugged inside his light jeans, his bag hanging from one shoulder and his light-brown hair strictly combed in a old-fashioned way made this young man look socially disable. Talk about jumping to conclusions, but this one was not that far off from the truth.

Another young passer-by that was about to enter the building, taking for himself the question, wittily replied:

–Yes, slightly. Though I'd consider a bigger name and, therefore, more accurate on its introduction would be more efficient than one of those infamous gramatically-lacking titles that only generate more questions instead of aswering them.

With some dismay, the first young man frowned and turned to the side, studying the one who had just spoken. Also seemingly socially inactive, he wore a green T-shirt, holding the symbol of a certain super-hero, and dark jeans pants.

–Dr. Sheldon Cooper. - he said, holding out his long thin hand towards the other.

–Dr. Spencer Reid, nice to meet you. – he greeted back.

–Oh, you're the specialist that works with the F.B.I.! – Sheldon displayed some admiration, while his eyes sparkled with curiosity.

– Erm, well, yes... – Reid himself felt embaressement and regretted having openned his mouth in the first place. – But how did you know that? – he asked, pursing his lips in a rather inquisiting way.

Filled with inner delight, Sheldon said:

–Oh, I memorized the guest list. – lowering his tone, Cooper added, as if telling a secret: – You know, it's essencial when engaging a symposium to know who we're dealing with.

–Naturally. – Spencer nodded, trying not to look so unsettled as he really felt.

Trying to avoid that somebody else heard about his job (that was, for reasons of nacional security, top-secret) Reid made a sign so that him and Dr. Cooper would enter the hotel lobby and head towards the conference room. While they were crossing the hall, featured with several marble pillars, they kept the following dialogue:

–So, how exactly is life in the F.B.I.? Full of adrenaline? – Sheldon made a quick frenesi with his hands when pronoucing 'adrenaline'.

–I don't do field work, so my tasks are not much adventure material. – Reid said, discretly scanning around and making sure nobody else was paying attention to the both of them and their conversation.

–And for what section of the F.B.I. do you work?

Reid cleared his throat, frowning again and lowerind his head. He considered what could be the consequences of his answer, keeping in mind that while being a Special Agent it was his duty to avoid major information leak. Very carefully, he continued:

–I work in the Behavioral Analysis Unity.

–You make criminal's profiles then?

–Exactly. – Reid smirked. This part always gets to people. The right people, at least.

Already inside the wide oval conference room, filled with dozens of students, specialists and enthusiasts, Spencer lead them to somewhere on the third row, when Sheldon interrupted him, explaining himself:

–The acoustics is not good at that side. Since I've participated in a symposium here before, I can tell. The best seats are over there.

–The acoustics? – Reid wondered, imagining it were some kind of joke which his cognitive abbility wasn't abble to comprehend completly.

–Yes, acoustics. I told you it was bad around here, you can barely hear me! – As they walked away, Sheldon continued – The acoustics of the room is very important for a conference. It's the second most important aspect of a symposium, comming right after meeting the participants.

Caught off guard and still a little desonriented, Spencer followed him towards two available seats in the center of the fourth row. Even though, Spencer had no idea that, as unwonted as Sheldon's behavoir seemed like, he should feel lucky that Sheldon didn't have to test every coordinate of the space to feel the acoustics.

–How would I be? – Sheldon asked joyfully, right after they took seats, crossing his lean legs, over which he rested his bag.

–Excuse me, I don't think I understood?

–If I were a criminal, how would I be? –- Sheldon replied, excited to aknowlegde his 'inner villain'.

Spencer Reid took some time thinking on the matter, until he answered:

–I believe you would be what we call 'organized killer': the one who maintains a strict method when murdering and also worries about covering all the possible clues. You would clearly be proud of you crimes, them being the inquestinable evidence of you brilliant mind. Besides that, I believe that some part of your signature would be related to comic books. – he said, aiming the typically heroic symbol on Sheldon's shirt.

–If you were to compare me to one comic book villain, who would that be?

–Ahm, Lex Luthor, maybe. But that would depend on your level of psychosis, hahaha.

Sheldon, on the other hand, didn't seem to find it that amusing and said, with a bit of disdain in his voice:

–I have always taken the Marvel villains as the most interesting ones. Afterall, the suposedly 'bad guys' from DC don't have the minimal deepness of character. Nobody is superior to MODOK and his killing-prompt biology. Stan Lee did a remarkable job with him, although The Green Goblin embaresses even the lowest villain sub-classes. And there's also Mr. Freeze, a character whom I have a rather unreasonable personal fondness towards. He was a great inspiration to me. I think he would be the villain I most enjoy. No, no. I correct myself: It would be MODOK in number one, then Mr. Freeze, then Mastermind... oh, wait! There's also Doctor Light! Then it would be MODOK, Mr. Freeze, Dr. Light, Mastermind...

Sheldon was, of course, going to continue his analysis, but a discret arranging on the stage was suggesting the setion was about to begin. Dr. Cooper had only one question to add and he asked it looking straightly to Reed:

–Do you have a gun?

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><p>–Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! – the unstopping male scream resounded on the walls of the F.B.I. practice room.<p>

–Dr. Cooper, please! It's essential to keep calm when one is handling a revolver! – Dr. Spencer cried, more than regretting the fact the he had tried to teach the basics of shooting to someone like Sheldon.

The latter, though, couldn't stop his desperate screams and looked as if he wasn't listening to the given instructions.

–Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...!

–Dr. Cooper! The gun is not even loaded!

–Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... Ahn? – just then did Cooper took off the pressure his finger had been making over the easy trigger, which didn't fire any bullets so far.

–Dr. Cooper, please, try to grab hold of yourself.

Sheldon was inhaling heavily, his eyes were wide open and red, both his hands still lingering to the gun, and shaking. Anyone would say he was bipolar-psycho-obsessive-compulsive-maniac who had just comitted genocide. Nonetheless, as Spencer had just found out, that was just Sheldon's 'adrenaline' expression.

Little by little, Sheldon recovered control over his functions, coming back to normality (which, in his case, was not so normal). Carefully to avoid setting that bomb-man off again e restart the odyssey, Spencer took the gun from Sheldon's hands e put in his own holster, just for to be safe.

–Dr. Cooper, I perfectly understand that shooting is a whole new experience, but you may just be overreacting. – Reid helped Sheldon, who was stumbling and even limping, dizzly, on their way out of the training room.

–I... I... It was too much action for me... I need... ICU... – Cooper replied, breathless, dizzy, falling apart.

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><p>–So shooting was not much of a happy activity for you. – Dr. Reid came to a conclusion, mixing his slightly sweetened coffee with the spoon.<p>

–Clearily. – Dr. Cooper felt a shiver down his spine when he remembered those past moments which, according to himself, were horribly traumatizing. –- So many years playing CS and Call of Duty and I had never thought those headshots could require such technique.

Spencer smirked.

–Living and playing are two very contrasting things, huh?

–I aknowlege so.

They were currently sitting at a table at a modest yet cozy cafe. Sheldon, naturally, refused a cup of coffee and instead ordered black tea. By the window, they could observe the flow of people and cars on the streets, a few feet from them. But suddenly, their conversation was interrupted by the bell stuck above the cafe's entrance door ringing and anouncing that an admirable specimen of the feminine gender had just entered. About 5'5'' feet tall, with a well distributed amount of a hundred and ten pounds (not that it was polite to mention), caucasian, probably germanic origin.

Spencer cleared his throat, visibly uncomfortable, and took a sip from his cup, wishing he could hide himself behind it. Sheldon, oblivious to the entrance of the beauty for being with his back turned to the door, found weird the sudden anxiety behavior his mate displayed. He asked the FBI agent if he would feel nauseated.

– No, no. Just a bit... – Reid cut himself off, going for another aproach. – Did you see who just got in?

– No. – Sheldon answered, soon turning his torso and searching around for something which he wasn't quite so sure about what was. – Leonard Nimoy? The Batman?

– Don't look! – Spencer whispered, nervously.

– What's the matter? – Sheldon turned back around.

Hesitant, Spencer replied:

– The blonde lady that's just got in. She's a friend... from work.

– Oh, but why so much distress? Go say hi to her.

Reid sighed, lowering his mug and putting it on the saucer.

– It's not that simple.

– I admit it I'm not a specialist in social relations – instead of what I might state about quantum physics –, but, through my observations on usual human behavior, I rest assured that there is no problem in two colegues aproaching each other when casually meeting outside of work location. Only, of course, the aproach must be according to the circumstances of the meeting, as well as the intentions of both partys involved, though I believe these guidelines dictate all kinds of social encounter, not just your case specially.

Dr. Reid had forgotten for some moments how Sheldon could be overenthusiasticly explicative.

– Tell me, Dr. Cooper, have you ever invited a female homo sapiens out?

Sheldon looked unsettled with the question, making a slight movement with his head back. He wondered for some moments and answered:

– You're referring to... a date?

– Precisely.

– No, it has never occured to me to wander through this layer of social relations. I simply don't see why.

Spencer half smiled. He couldn't tell if it were plain inocence or raw inability. But he had to admit something to himself: it was extremly abnormal.

– What would you tell her if it were you? – Reid questioned.

– I believe you should start with dull and everyday questions, as "how are you?" or "what do you think of the new theory proposed on the more economic use of solar energy?". Nothing very smart, really.

Spencer smiled again, but not because he thought it were a joke. Actually, he jested exactly for knowing that Sheldon didn't mean at all to be funny.

Dr. Cooper went on:

– There are certain things that for us, beings gifted with brilliant and evolved minds, are much harder to accomplish.

– Handle a gun, there's an example.

– Talk to women, there's another example.

Both fell silent, thinking about that.

– It's not because we're geniuses that we must know it all.

– I agree. And the fact that we're specially smart does not imply that our skills are limited in some way.

– Right. There are just some situations in the world with which we are not interested in enganging.

– Exactly. But that doesn't mean we can't...

– Just that we don't _want to_...

– Yeah. We'd do it if we wanted to!

– Oh, we would!

– And we'd do it well-done!

– Like geniuses!

They toasted to that with empty mugs.

– Now you're going there talk to her?

– No way!

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><p><strong>AN:** If you're a geek or nerdy in some way and you got a friend like that too, you've probably been trough a moment like Sheldon and Spencer had at the ending. And that was what I was trying to show, but in their case it was deeper, since they're more "special" lol.

[So, it's been over two years since I wrote this fanfic in its original language (portuguese). Since then, a lot of people who didn't speak portuguese had to use online translators to read it, and I felt bad for them because the text sure lost most of its meaning x/

Anyways, this is my first time translating a fic like this and I didn't use a web translator, so mistakes (spealling, grammar, etc) are totally for free! :D ]


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